We’re both growing.

Well, my baby is turning 1 this weekend and for a variety of reasons, but one particular medical one, we’ve decided it’s time to wean. I am sad and have been really struggling with this decision, but in the last day I have become more confident and excited about what lies ahead for me and Luke.

He is growing up into such an amazing and fun little boy. He has *finally* started to tolerate a few sips of (sweetened!) milk from his sippy cup and officially drank some of my smoothie from a straw yesterday. We got him an organic chocolate milk this morning at Starbucks to celebrate. He is standing more and more on his own and learning to stack things and put them away in baskets and boxes. I love to see how satisfied and confident he feels when he has displayed one of his new-found talents! (Yesterday, he gathered all of his peas and corn onto a plate – and then added his sippy cup to the mix for good measure. What a grin!)

At the same time, he has begun to really develop opinions. Strong ones. I love and am terrified of this strong will all at the same time! Engaged in something he loves, he delights and charms you with his smile, laughter and chatter. But denied something he wants… watch out, here comes the tantrum!

We have taken two exciting steps in the past 24 hours. We are seeking to drink like a big boy, in addition to all of our other new big boy traits. And for those many things we are allowed to have, we are learning to lovingly ask like a big boy too! “Please” (or some form thereof, haha) will be elucidated in order to get an object, rather than mommy reinforcing this demanding behavior.

I have been sad to have to guide him into this new stage of toddlerhood, with having to say no and having to discipline. But as I’ve thought more about it I have warmed to it. Weaning and discipline do not mean that he will experience less love from his parents. It will be love in a new and more mature, multi-faceted form. It will be love that not only embraces him, but also molds him and forms him in new, more grown-up ways. I look forward to developing new ways of showing him that I love him – more cuddles, giggles, creative play – new ways of providing him with security and confidence. And, most difficult, but maybe most exciting – I am excited for Luke to grow big and strong, and, as he does, to know how to love others with his words and actions.

I’ve realized that as hard as these transitions might be for him, I am really struggling with the difficulty for me. I love when we’ve found a comfortable routine, when we can settle in and relax. But with kids, I’ve realized, they are always growing, always changing! They make us move forward, challenge ourselves, find new ways to grow and love. These transitions are hard but so good for me – I’ll need to be creative in love, creative in distraction, and very, very patient. And, probably most difficult, I will need to be consistent and on my toes, rather than simply reactive. Above all, I’ll need to trust God that He will use my imperfect actions and decisions to grow this boy into one who knows His love.